Therapy for Assertiveness in Halifax, Nova ScotiaStruggling with assertiveness in Nova Scotia? Help is available in Halifax.
Along with Passive, Aggressive, and Passive-Aggressive, assertiveness refers to a style of interpersonal communication. While the assertive style is usually the most appropriate way to express your opinions, needs, and wants, almost everyone uses all four styles from time to time. Most people also have a general tendency to use one style more than the others. |
What are the four communication styles?
Before describing counselling options in Halifax to become more assertive, let’s first look at the four communication styles - which one describes you best at present? 1) Passive The main goal of the passive style is to avoid conflict at all costs. It usually involves giving in to the (unreasonable) demands of others, not offering an opinion until others speak first, and rarely criticizing or giving negative feedback. Someone with a passive style may hold beliefs that others are more important and that he/she is unable to do things effectively. People with overly passive styles risk giving control of their lives to others. They may be viewed as weak, indecisive, and easily controlled. |
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2) Aggressive
The main goal of the aggressive style is to have others submit - to win regardless of the costs to others. There is a desire to control the behaviours of others through intimidation or fear. People with aggressive styles often see the requests or opinions of others as trivial, stupid, or pointless.
Aggressive styles are usually ineffective for achieving long-term goals (as others will come to resent unreasonable and non-compromising requests), and often result in interpersonal difficulties with friends, families, and at work.
3) Passive-Aggressive
The main goal of a passive-aggressive style is to have your way or attack others without having to take responsibility for your behaviours. People with passive-aggressive styles fear the consequences of becoming angry to achieve goals, and therefore disguises anger so that they cannot be blamed for their actions. Others tend to see people with this style as irresponsible, disorganized, forgetful, non-trustworthy, and manipulative.
4) Assertive
Someone with an assertive style recognizes that he or she is in charge of their own behaviour. Importantly, this style also recognizes that others are in charge of their own actions and opinions, and will not try to force their opinions or wishes on others. There is a tactful expression of one's thoughts and requests without the expectation that others will agree or comply.
Someone with an assertive style carefully considers the requests of others and then decides whether or not to go along with them. People with an assertive style are seen as fair, calm, confident, and are respected by others.
The main goal of the aggressive style is to have others submit - to win regardless of the costs to others. There is a desire to control the behaviours of others through intimidation or fear. People with aggressive styles often see the requests or opinions of others as trivial, stupid, or pointless.
Aggressive styles are usually ineffective for achieving long-term goals (as others will come to resent unreasonable and non-compromising requests), and often result in interpersonal difficulties with friends, families, and at work.
3) Passive-Aggressive
The main goal of a passive-aggressive style is to have your way or attack others without having to take responsibility for your behaviours. People with passive-aggressive styles fear the consequences of becoming angry to achieve goals, and therefore disguises anger so that they cannot be blamed for their actions. Others tend to see people with this style as irresponsible, disorganized, forgetful, non-trustworthy, and manipulative.
4) Assertive
Someone with an assertive style recognizes that he or she is in charge of their own behaviour. Importantly, this style also recognizes that others are in charge of their own actions and opinions, and will not try to force their opinions or wishes on others. There is a tactful expression of one's thoughts and requests without the expectation that others will agree or comply.
Someone with an assertive style carefully considers the requests of others and then decides whether or not to go along with them. People with an assertive style are seen as fair, calm, confident, and are respected by others.
What are the advantages of an assertive style?

● Reduces conflict and stress in relationships
● Reduces feelings of helplessness and depression
● Increases self-confidence
● Allows for self-respect without disrespecting others
● Makes it easier to relax around others
● Allows for needs and wants to be expressed without fear or aggression
● Encourages more honesty in interpersonal relationships
● Encourages respect from others
● Reduces feelings of helplessness and depression
● Increases self-confidence
● Allows for self-respect without disrespecting others
● Makes it easier to relax around others
● Allows for needs and wants to be expressed without fear or aggression
● Encourages more honesty in interpersonal relationships
● Encourages respect from others
How does counselling for assertiveness work?

Therapy for becoming more assertive can include:
● Determining which of the above four styles you currently rely on most often
● Examining what may be gained (or lost) by adopting a more assertive style
● Learning stress-reduction exercises to set the stage for a change in communication styles
● Assessing the cognitive beliefs which are maintaining an aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive style
● Challenging these beliefs and replacing them with more adaptive thoughts
● Taking personal responsibility for the way one chooses to interact with others
● Practice being assertive via role playing or in safe situations
● Learning more assertive nonverbal communication (movements, eye contact, body posture, etc.)
● Learning to provide and accept constructive feedback
● Creating a set of goals from a personal assertiveness hierarchy (i.e., with certain people or in certain scenarios) and working towards being assertive in increasingly challenging situations
How can I get started?
Being more assertive can have huge impact on the quality of your interpersonal relationships and can greatly improve your self-esteem.
If you would like become more assertive (and live in the areas of Halifax, Bedford, Dartmouth, or anywhere in Nova Scotia) please read more about therapy and counselling, my treatment approach, and feel free to contact me if you have any questions or if you would like to set up an initial consultation.
Thanks!
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Dr. Brent Conrad, Halifax Psychologist. All rights reserved.
1526 Dresden Row, Suite 602, Halifax, Nova Scotia, B3J 3K3
www.HalifaxPsychologist.com
Dr. Brent Conrad, Halifax Psychologist. All rights reserved.
1526 Dresden Row, Suite 602, Halifax, Nova Scotia, B3J 3K3
www.HalifaxPsychologist.com