Counselling for Breakups and Divorce in Halifax, Nova ScotiaAre you struggling after a recent breakup, separation, or divorce?
Professional help and support with a psychologist is available in Halifax. |
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If you have just ended a relationship (regardless of who initiated the breakup) it is normal to be going through a wide range of emotions and to feel hurt and disappointed by the end of your relationship or marriage.
Not only is it normal to feel hurt, it is often healthy. The experience of pain (physical or emotional) is simply a way of letting us know that something has been hurt or injured and that healing is necessary.
Feeling upset (or even devastated) after the end of a relationship or divorce is very normal – but how you deal with these feelings after a separation will affect how quickly and how completely you recover.
Not only is it normal to feel hurt, it is often healthy. The experience of pain (physical or emotional) is simply a way of letting us know that something has been hurt or injured and that healing is necessary.
Feeling upset (or even devastated) after the end of a relationship or divorce is very normal – but how you deal with these feelings after a separation will affect how quickly and how completely you recover.
What is a "normal" reaction after a breakup, separation, or divorce?
Although no one will respond in exactly the same way to the end of a relationship, the following reactions are very common:
Denial
Denial is often seen as one of the more primitive defence mechanisms for dealing with psychological pain. However, in some ways this reputation is not deserved. In the early stages of psychological or emotional pain, denial can actually serve a very useful purpose – it temporarily limits the amount of hurt we can experience and prevents us from being overwhelmed.
Of course, denial that persists for a long period is neither adaptive nor healthy. People in denial about the end of a relationship may refuse to believe that it is over, may have intentions to “win” the person back, or may be very reluctant to put away photos or objects that remind them of their ex.
Denial
Denial is often seen as one of the more primitive defence mechanisms for dealing with psychological pain. However, in some ways this reputation is not deserved. In the early stages of psychological or emotional pain, denial can actually serve a very useful purpose – it temporarily limits the amount of hurt we can experience and prevents us from being overwhelmed.
Of course, denial that persists for a long period is neither adaptive nor healthy. People in denial about the end of a relationship may refuse to believe that it is over, may have intentions to “win” the person back, or may be very reluctant to put away photos or objects that remind them of their ex.
Fear
After a breakup or divorce, a world that was once predictable and stable suddenly becomes very confusing. Where will I live? How will this affect my financial situation? How will child custody work out? Will I ever meet someone else? What does the future hold for me? Facing these fears and finding answers to these questions is a very important part of the recovery process.
Loneliness
After a breakup or divorce, loneliness may be the most powerful feeling of all. Especially if you were living with your partner, daily living patterns inevitably change. Suddenly, many of the things you did together become solo tasks. The thought that “I will never find anyone and will always feel this lonely” may be hard to let go.
This is a normal reaction, but thankfully one that is simply not true. Ending a relationship definitely hurts, but the pain will subside, helpful insights can be made about why it did not work out, and love can be found again if you are open to this possibility.
Guilt
Guilt, regardless of whether you were the “dumper”or the “dumpee” is a very common feeling after a breakup or divorce. If you happen to be the person who left the relationship, you may feel guilty about hurting the other person.
And, if you are the person who was left, you may feel guilty about not recognizing the signs that the relationship was in trouble and doing more to save it.
In therapy, guilt is normally addressed by acknowledging one’s role in the relationship, becoming aware of unhealthy or destructive relationship patterns, understanding that there is usually not just one person to “blame”, learning from the relationship, and moving forward with new insights.
Grief
Although we normally only associate grief with the death of someone we care about, many professionals believe that the grieving process also applies to the end of an important relationship. With grief, there is sadness and despair brought on by the loss of an important person in our lives.
Grief leaves us feeling drained emotionally and feeling as though we have little control over our lives. Grieving the end of a relationship and acknowledging the loss can be a very important part of rebuilding your life after a breakup or divorce.
Anger
Anger, especially in first few days and weeks after a breakup or divorce is a very common reaction. Feelings of betrayal, disrespect, and the circumstances surrounding the breakup may lead to intense anger or rage.
It may cloud your view of humanity in general and leave you feeling very pessimistic about future relationships (“All men / women can’t be trusted.”).
Although anger is normal after a breakup, it is also emotionally draining and is certainly not healthy if it remains in your life long after the relationship has ended.
Self-Esteem
Feelings of lowered self-esteem or self-worth are common after a breakup. It is normal for your self-esteem to take a hit after the end of a relationship. You may question the decisions you made in the relationship, why it seems so difficult to find someone you are compatible with, whether there is something “wrong” with you, and even whether you deserve love.
After a breakup or divorce, a world that was once predictable and stable suddenly becomes very confusing. Where will I live? How will this affect my financial situation? How will child custody work out? Will I ever meet someone else? What does the future hold for me? Facing these fears and finding answers to these questions is a very important part of the recovery process.
Loneliness
After a breakup or divorce, loneliness may be the most powerful feeling of all. Especially if you were living with your partner, daily living patterns inevitably change. Suddenly, many of the things you did together become solo tasks. The thought that “I will never find anyone and will always feel this lonely” may be hard to let go.
This is a normal reaction, but thankfully one that is simply not true. Ending a relationship definitely hurts, but the pain will subside, helpful insights can be made about why it did not work out, and love can be found again if you are open to this possibility.
Guilt
Guilt, regardless of whether you were the “dumper”or the “dumpee” is a very common feeling after a breakup or divorce. If you happen to be the person who left the relationship, you may feel guilty about hurting the other person.
And, if you are the person who was left, you may feel guilty about not recognizing the signs that the relationship was in trouble and doing more to save it.
In therapy, guilt is normally addressed by acknowledging one’s role in the relationship, becoming aware of unhealthy or destructive relationship patterns, understanding that there is usually not just one person to “blame”, learning from the relationship, and moving forward with new insights.
Grief
Although we normally only associate grief with the death of someone we care about, many professionals believe that the grieving process also applies to the end of an important relationship. With grief, there is sadness and despair brought on by the loss of an important person in our lives.
Grief leaves us feeling drained emotionally and feeling as though we have little control over our lives. Grieving the end of a relationship and acknowledging the loss can be a very important part of rebuilding your life after a breakup or divorce.
Anger
Anger, especially in first few days and weeks after a breakup or divorce is a very common reaction. Feelings of betrayal, disrespect, and the circumstances surrounding the breakup may lead to intense anger or rage.
It may cloud your view of humanity in general and leave you feeling very pessimistic about future relationships (“All men / women can’t be trusted.”).
Although anger is normal after a breakup, it is also emotionally draining and is certainly not healthy if it remains in your life long after the relationship has ended.
Self-Esteem
Feelings of lowered self-esteem or self-worth are common after a breakup. It is normal for your self-esteem to take a hit after the end of a relationship. You may question the decisions you made in the relationship, why it seems so difficult to find someone you are compatible with, whether there is something “wrong” with you, and even whether you deserve love.
How can I get help after a breakup or separation?
If you are having difficulty dealing with a breakup or divorce (and live in the areas of Halifax, Bedford, Dartmouth, or anywhere in Nova Scotia) counselling can help you get through this challenging time and rebuild your life.
Please read more about therapy and counselling, how to choose a psychologist, my treatment approach, and feel free to contact me if you have any questions or if you would like to set up an initial consultation.
Thanks!
Please read more about therapy and counselling, how to choose a psychologist, my treatment approach, and feel free to contact me if you have any questions or if you would like to set up an initial consultation.
Thanks!
